Thank you, Lord; for this sweetest of gifts...

Having been disciplined very strongly this last week - but for which I am very grateful to God (yes, I will hopefully get into this later - and I am also thankful to those who God used to help with this, you know who you are, I don't hate you but I don't exactly want anything to do with you right now but man, we are gonna have some fun in eternity - that is going to be awesome, I love you all)...I find myself in a new position as a believer/disciple of Christ and for some time I struggled with the following Scripture but it makes sense to me now for which I am truly grateful:

Romans 14
King James Version (KJV)
Romans 14
1Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.
2For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs.
3Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him.
4Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.
5One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.
6He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks.
7For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.
8For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's.
9For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living.
10But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.
11For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.
12So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
13Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.
14I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.
15But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.
16Let not then your good be evil spoken of:
17For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
18For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.
19Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.
20For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence.
21It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
22Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.
23And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

These verses are so about so much more than food...when I find myself the guest in a home now and I am presented with food I normally wouldn't eat or asked to play games I usually wouldn't play - I do not preach or get into why such a thing might be wrong or the like, but rather I graciously accept the desires of my hosts hoping that if they know the truth they will seek it themselves and for the right reasons from that time on and if they do not know why such things would be bad, pray that they do. I do not think any less of those who have put me in such positions but the following Scriptures come to mind, well - to begin with, look up Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:42 and Luke 17:2. What a privilege for me to be a "child of God" whom he has drawn near and redeemed. As the verses say above, we should never put a brother or sister in a position to sin either so we can say, "Well, at lest I didn't do that!" or "(gasp) - Did you see what she did?!" or "We got her now, she just sinned and did what is unacceptable in the Lord's eyes and even engaged in activity of the occult." The problem isn't with me at that point - but with the hearts and minds of those who would do such things purposely.

I know it's not very popular that I have claimed to be who I am. One of the things that the Spirit has burdened and convicted my heart of is that folks are thinking, "Why do you think you are who you are when you have a daughter who very well could be that person too - did you ever think of that?" I also know people tend to think I'm not very smart because of all the mistakes I have made and how open I have been about my sin. I'm just following through with James 5:16 and rather than be full of scorn over past mistakes or for anyone to say, "There she goes again, talking about the sin of others through her FB page!" - see the love in what I am trying to convey. I'm not perfect but at the same time, I haven't ever really been given the change to offer the wisdom and intelligence God has given me. But I sense that about to change. I will either go back to school or God will prosper what he has called me and put me on this earth to do and possibly both. But to answer the above question: "Why isn't your daughter the called one?" - because time is much shorter than people want to think about - they want to think a) I don't have to change my ways in regard to views I hold on baptism and repentance - that requires humility and the admitting that they were wrong which is too hard for most people and b) they want to think they have more time here - you've had enough time so swallow your pride and do what you know you need to do regardless of how much others aren't going to like you, what God has to say about you and how he will treat you even in regard to possible necessary discipline - let people judge, let them condemn - your concern is with what God will have to say and do when you stand before him. Again, think of what 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 says:
10According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon.
11For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.
12Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble;
13Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is.
14If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.
15If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.

Think of this - I may anger those who I am calling out (no one knows your names) - but in the end I have to answer to God myself and I am not about to go on doing works of wood, hay or stubble because I do have to answer to him myself just as you do. I love you all and I hold nothing against you - what was done likely was done in innocence in many ways but for the chance it wasn't - I would rather admonish you and exhort you in the chance it may help you see that if I anger you, I anger you - but so that you can see a consitency in me that seeks Christ no matter what. Hate does nothing - love seeks the good of all regardless of what it may cost. If God didn't love me, he wouldn't have disciplined me this last week - but he does and I paid a very heavy price that you cannot imagine...I have been through hell on earth this last month so that I could see, taste and understand just a portion of what our Lord endured and this too, says I am who I am. I wish I could describe these things in more detail but for right now, you and everyone else are just going to trust me. I felt separation and fear in response to ongoing sin...if you were to ask Ryan - manic-depression aside - just what I have been through - he would offer just as I have said above because I have been able to share with him many things because he knows me better than anyone else and trusts me in ways that others can't because of this. He has believed in me when others wouldn't or couldn't and I am so grateful for this. But I warn you, do not seek him out for answers. You are just goingt to have to trust us.

Other Scripture to consider:

Romans 12:18
King James Version (KJV)
18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Titus 3:9
King James Version (KJV)
9But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.

Hebrews 12:14-29
King James Version (KJV)
14Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
16Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.
17For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
18For ye are not come unto the mount that might be touched, and that burned with fire, nor unto blackness, and darkness, and tempest,
19And the sound of a trumpet, and the voice of words; which voice they that heard intreated that the word should not be spoken to them any more:
20(For they could not endure that which was commanded, And if so much as a beast touch the mountain, it shall be stoned, or thrust through with a dart:
21And so terrible was the sight, that Moses said, I exceedingly fear and quake:)
22But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels,
23To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect,
24And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.
25See that ye refuse not him that speaketh. For if they escaped not who refused him that spake on earth, much more shall not we escape, if we turn away from him that speaketh from heaven:
26Whose voice then shook the earth: but now he hath promised, saying, Yet once more I shake not the earth only, but also heaven.
27And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.
28Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:
29For our God is a consuming fire.

1 Peter 1:16
King James Version (KJV)
16Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

But most importantly:

1 Corinthians 1:25-31
King James Version (KJV)
25Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
26For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
27But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
28And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:
29That no flesh should glory in his presence.
30But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:
31That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Why would God bother to deal with a woman who suffers from manic-depression, ADHD and mild symptoms of autism? Do you not see that while God does not tempt us (see James 1:13) God does in fact test us and he has to. We want to think that what we have always believed or that the church or denomination that we've always belonged to is okay and that somehow God will dismiss errors that just don't seem so bad to us but that is a lie from the pit of hell. Do you think God would lie to you? Do you think the battle that Ephesians 6 speaks of isn't real and is some sort of allegory? You are bewitched! You have been fooled by the "angel of light" - Satan himself and the more you go on, the more tighter his grip and the less of a chance you will repent and be baptized and receive the gift of the indwelling presence and power of the Holy Spirit because I know these things personally. I don't say these things to puff myself up - I've already told you I, myself have endured his discipline, wrath, judgment and fury and I am trying to get you to not have to go through these things yourselves! How can you not see the love in this? Or perhaps you'd like me to pray for God to unleash his discipline, wrath, judgment and fury upon you as I have known because you refuse to think that little 'ole Kristi might just be right? Who cares about me being right - I care about your soul! As I have been called, I must be obedient to God! Not to make others feel bad, not to puff myself up but because I know what you face personally if you don't! You do not want to put God in such a position...because I know so well that if you don't do these things and allow men to judge you so that before God you may be clean - it will be the anti-Christ and his guillotines that you will face and either have to die and live or live and die forever. And if it is not a guillotine it will be through war or suicide that you will die and who knows if you will go to hell or get by but only though as through fire (1 Corinthians 3:15). And if you are tempted to say or think, "Well, that's not such a big deal to me - so as through fire." you just don't get it. You will have to face momentary hell in order to get home and I'm telling you, having just experienced this myself - hell on earth so that I could be cleansed and purified and given a white garment (see Revelation 3:13-22) - please don't risk this. I say again, this past week God would have been justified to send my soul to hell had I died but rather he went to extremes to say, "Kristi, I love you enough to cause you great distress and to challenge you beyond that which you have ever faced because I don't want you to do what may force my Son to do should you continue in your sin." Could I have been saved though as through fire, most likely. But that still would have put Jesus in a position to stick me with Satan - even as momentarliy as it would have been...I shudder to think about such a thing and the fear God should strike you as it has me. Our sin - no matter how little, small or insignificant to us (because we don't like to think of ourselves in such a realistic manner - is huge to God no matter how little you may seem to sin compared to someone else. What I have found is that even if you are only guilty of pride and judging others - those two things cover a multitude of other sins that you cannot see because you are so busy comparing yourself to others. You may say, "No I'm not!" That makes you a liar. And trust me, the angels in Heaven are saying, "Yes you are!" You are being mocked in the Heavenly realm each time you diminish your own sinfulness. I was tortured with this reality this last month. Things have certainly calmed down now but when things were at their worst - I realized there are angels all around us - both spiritually and in the flesh and they are givng God a detailed account of our every wrong and every right - this is so that everything can be reported as was is in this life when it either comes to rewards or judgement (two different things - see Revelation 20:4-5 and then Revelation 20:11-15) - God knows what you have or have not done and God knows that whether you read all of this or take into account how I have been called - you will be responsible for yourself and your actions or lack thereof! God hasn't and won't miss a thing. And hey, he's God - he can and will do that because he is righteous and holy and has given you and everyone else every opportunity to get it right. And you can - when you surrender your life to Christ in humility and repent. No, I'm not claiming perfection here but everyday that I do sin, I confess it...I have some serious apologizing coming up that I'm not looking forward to but now that God has given me a proper fear and reverence of him - I would rather grovel and do what I do not like to do rather than risk God being righteously angry at me and with full justification. Not only that but here is what Scripture has to say:

Philippians 4:13
King James Version (KJV)
13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Romans 8:36-37
King James Version (KJV)
36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

God longs for us to have peace, joy, assurance, contement, etc. - but this cannot be done without the working and ministry of the Holy Spirit and an understanding that the Heavenly realm is alive and well in this our physical and earthly dwelling and life. If you profess faith in Christ, that is one thing. Now back such "faith" up with works but not the other way around:

James 2:17-19
King James Version (KJV)
17Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
18Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.
19Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

You will not make it to eternal life without making your faith or profession or confession or faith personal. Do not rely on what your parents, grandparents, relatives or ancestors have believed or done for so many years. How do you know that they would not say the same thing - those who have departed - as what I am saying? That's just the thing - you don't. But I do because when I was at my worst of this last manic episode (you need to understand that what Satan means for evil through sickness and the like, God can and does use this for good) - I was tortured by the cries and torment of some of those in my life who have died and even by some who have not but these shall remain nameless - yes, that is how horrible and freaky things were for me this last month - God allowed things to get so bad and so supernatural...I won't go on any further than that. Yes, tThat is what going through hell on earth will do for ya or should you be saved only as through fire. You don't want to go there, please trust me. Or someday these things may be made into a movie and you'll have to watch it before getting into Heaven or eternity to your shame because you may be tempted to think these things are too far fetched. No, there is a good side to having mental illness that some of you have yet to appreciate. But now I am being healed and I thank God for his mercy and grace. I am no longer held by the chains of bondage in regard to mental illness - I am free and should anyone try and use this for anything other than it was meant for - for hopes of psychic powers and revelations so that evil may be promoted it won't work. I have angels here and all of Heaven up there on my side now because I have been cleansed from the worst sin in my life now and I am set free. This is what spiritual warfare prayer does to our benefit and don't forget the working and ministry of the Holy Spirit in my life. Now that my eyes have been made clean spiritually, I have in the Holy Spirit a working that will help me with discernment and keep fear at bay. Of course, then there are all those angels here too - both in the flesh and those we cannot see. And no, I'm not sick. These are the end times and God's game is on and either you are being used according to and for his good use or you are stuck in the grips of Satan and being used by him and there is no way out of this unless you humble yourself and repent if you have not already and then seek baptism as your personal way of saying to God, "I do believe and I am here to be cleansed to show the world that I mean what I say." You see when I say we are in the end times, think of this from Revelation 12:

Revelation 12:3-4
King James Version (KJV)
3And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.
4And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.

This has happened and those "stars" spoken of in verse four are angels of God - not fallen but this has happened so that we can be ministered to and challenged. Some of them have been able to take on physical form but others remain unseen in a spiritual sense. Some of them have been able to posess the bodies of those who had already humbled themselves and repented and been baptized on their own accord and who have received the indwelling presence and power of the Holy Spirit - but even more than that, this existence is interchangeable. They can live in a physical state when necessary and go back to being unseen in a spiritual sense in whatever manner of time frame necessary. Freaky? Not if you've been cleansed but otherwise yes, you have every reason to fear because these same angels, because they can interchange between physical and spiritual states - are the very ones that will either deliever souls to God or toss them to the depths of hell. They are here, they have a purpose and hopefully they will be able to bless and not torment you. Of course, none of this will be real to anyone who has not repented and in humility fallen to their knees and cried out to Jesus. This is how I have been blessed by the joy in being wrong - having sin to be real about and also by how Satan thought he won by asking God, "I bet if we stricken Kristi with mental illness and get everyone to believe she's stupid that she will not praise you and will not continue to seek you." But when Satan turned from the throne of God and left laughing and Satan was out of hearing distance, God said, "You've made a bet you're going to lose Satan." Why?

Romans 5:8
King James Version (KJV)
8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Many thanks to our brother, Job - for his prayers on the behalf of us who know what it means to suffer. You have to remember:

Hebrews 12
King James Version (KJV)
Hebrews 12
1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

And maybe you're hoping by just some chance that I am wrong but the thing is I've backed everything up I have said here with Scripture and will continue to do so that if you don't believe me, hopefully you will take God's Word on it. Don't risk being saved "as though by fire". Don't just go through the motions. Let men do what they may - let men say what they will. It is God's judgment or rewards in the end that we need to be concerned with because we will each have to stand before him and there will be no lawyers, no help, no passing blame - it will either be tears of joy at finally standing before our "Abba" or utter humiliation and shame. I think I know which one most would (hopefully) choose.

Much love to you all in Christ - God bless you!!!

~ "Miriam" Kristi Van Dam

Matthew 11:28
King James Version (KJV)
28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Proverbs 16:18
King James Version (KJV)
18Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Romans 13:10-14
King James Version (KJV)
10Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
11And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed.
12The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.
13Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
14But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

Romans 11:25-28
King James Version (KJV)
25For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in.
26And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob:
27For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins.
28As concerning the gospel, they are enemies for your sakes: but as touching the election, they are beloved for the father's sakes.