Thursday, December 29, 2011

Just thinkin' a bit more before I get cleaning today:

Satan often works through dreams just the same way as the Lord does - at least this is what I have known and so many others as well. I am often plagued with dreams that Ryan is going to leave me or abandon me and he always says, "Kris, that isn't going to happen." The truth is, I have been left and abandoned so many times by nearly almost everyone in my life in some capacity. Either they think I'm manic when I'm not or they expect perfection from me because I am so vocal and passionate about my faith. Something happens to deter them from staying a part of my life.

But my thoughts this morning are how alone Ryan must feel at times in our relationship. I have many times told him I love you, but after the Lord. And I do tend to put work for ministry or studying or praying above other things...and I am not going to say I'm sorry for the things you've done to help me, things I've neglected because we both know things better in our situation than others; but I'm sorry for the times you've felt alone Ryan. I don't think I've ever said this and I hope you will comment. And I want to remind folks again that we've made many "fair trades" because Ryan does not feel called and has no desire to be called as I have been. I do as much as I can around the house to help and yet get in time to study and write but when I am not able to - he and Morgan have really helped. And I want to thank you again, my dear intimate family; how much you have helped and how much your support and belief in who I am and who I have been called to be and what I have been called to do - this has put pressure on all of us (and I'm sorry I haven't acknowledged this enough) but I love you so much and for as hard as Satan has tried to pull us apart and even others in our lives, whether they realize it or not; have tried to break us up - it ain't happening unless the Lord calls you home and we've talked about what that would mean so even then, Satan; we're ready. The Lord is preparing us for every possible scenario that could go wrong and we're not being ignorant to these things. But either way,
I love you, Ryan and Morgan and I thank you that even if it is just you guys, Heaven and only one other person in this life, on this earth believes in who I am and who God has called me to be and what I've been asked to do - that's enough. I don't care about the rest - I do, but I don't. Let's keep doing what we've been doing because the Lord is blessing it. I am so very proud of you both and I hope these thoughts I've been given this morning help - because every word is true. I am sorry for the times you have felt so alone...and Morgan too. I know so very well how this feels so know that you are not alone. I'm not going anywhere either...and if anyone did take me or do something to me - we know very well the story doesn't end there, don't we. I love you both so very much and those who are supporting me in prayer and thought right now. Thank you, every part of my being - heart, soul and mind...thank you with all that I am. And thank you, Lord and Abba; to you is all the honor, glory and praise, Amen!

Much love to you all in Christ, God bless you!!!

~ Kristi

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Matthew 11:28 - King James Version (KJV):

28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Revision of list of questions to be answered and order and introduction to questions left to be answered:

List of questions to be answered yet and their revised order:

1. Haven’t you given yourself a nice, cushy, comfortable place in saying you are the woman from Revelation 12? And isn’t that pretty pompous and arrogant? – amendment to add: aren’t you adding to Scripture by saying you have had visions/dreams? Also, you're a woman, right? Explain yourself and how you do or plan to adhere to the teachings of Scripture in regard to a woman's place in the church/ministry. Looking forward to answering this as well, lol.

2. Do you believe in a pre-tribulation rapture?

3. Are just seeking attention/money?

4. So you believe generational curses still happen or are valid?

5. What are your thoughts on the Sabbath, the Lord's Day and feasts/festivals?

6. What do you think of Muslims as a whole?

7. What do you think of Catholics?

8. What can we expect from you here on out?

Introduction to questions left to be answered:

I need to say something here before the rest of these questions are answered: if God has given me (and I believe he has and know he has) teaching that proves other teachings that exist wrong, this is not such a big deal as it could be made out to be. God is giving me these things to share now so that they can be dealt with now and not before him - so rewards can grow and lessen the likelihood of losing rewards. And I could care less about those who have taught or believed in error - I have come to know the joy in being wrong and you will not find mockery, scorn or ridicule here. If you will read what God has given me to share/teach and take it to heart and not let pride get in the way, you will find open arms of compassion, mercy and grace from me because of the compassion, mercy and grace I have been given in Christ. I have been wrong so many times myself but now that I have been disciplined as I was a week ago and now having been real about my sins and how I still enormous outpouring of God's Holy Spirit is being given to me and not so that I can be right, but so that Christ can be honor and glorified, believers/disciples of Christ encouraged and revival can begin because this is God's will.

To a certain extent - this is about me - God has given me a calling, a purpose and missions to accomplish. But this is not in and of myself - it is Christ living and working in and through me by the indwelling presence and power of God's Holy Spirit awake and alive in my heart, soul, mind and body (see 1 Corinthians 2:20 and Galatians 5:20). I cried out to the Lord in 2008 and he faithfully began working in me as I asked for the Holy Spirit to help me through the work of repentance - to bring to mind sin and so I could confess it, ask for forgiveness and this continues still. In 2009 I was burdened and convicted by the Holy Spirit to be baptized which I did and God blessed me that day and has since but I repeat, I am not perfect nor do I think too highly of myself (if you knew me personally you would know this well - see Philippians 3:12). And any way that I or my family would be blessed by such ministry, teaching or other opportunities we have or may be given to serve - would be put back into ministries we already support, our church and with as minimal personal gain as possible but again, if God chooses to bless us personally or financially - it would be offensive in our minds to take such blessings and refuse them. We have asked God to help us with many challenges that have come our way financially both because of mistakes we made in the past but are working so hard to turn around and be real about but also because we have not been given the support in the past that we have needed from churches we were a part of as well as from family and friends to be honest. Yes, again - we have made our mistakes but make no mistake yourselves in thinking that God hasn't dealt with us appropriately. He allowed us to make our mistakes, allowed us to hit rock bottom but now we are and have been working hard to take responsibility for these mistakes and have done pretty well in being content with what we have been presently given - we have made the best of what we have because of our mistakes but we have also seen God begin to bless us abundantly. I guess to explain more...we live in a mobile home and some people look at this and either think "white trash" or "trailer trash" but in the same time that God disciplined us and we had to give up a house we had hopes for and so many ammenities there that we had to give up because of our own foolishness...when we moved into our current home - this has been the best house we've ever lived in. We were forced to have to choose between "nice" things and used things. Normally we would have spent money we didn't have but instead we looked for nice used furniture, started buying the bulk of our clothes at Meijer and Walmart, started eating less so not only our grocery bill would be less but so we would eat better as well, we stopped eating out so much and stopped going to the mall or movies or vacations or...and the list goes on. And in turn, we have seen God beginning to bless us financially and with "stuff". We do have a lot to learn and are learning to better prioritize our finances...but my point is - what some people look at - living in a mobile home, having cars that would win "beater of the year" awards, used furniture and okay clothing - we have learned to be content and even happy with what we have. And beyond that, we have longed to not only share what we have but want to be blessed even more so we have more to share. We know what it means to have to live without but we also know what it means to be blessed...we have lots of ways we can help others in regards to why it is good to make finances a family issue (we all need to take part so we all know where things are at financially as a family, what we can and cannot afford or do not need and to all learn to prioritize things that we want and learn to accept what we cannot afford or will have to either sacrifice other things or or save for - we do this as a family now). We've also seen the best and worst of marriage and intimacy related issues. I'm just saying - God is giving us so many ways to reach out...not just how I have been called. And we want so badly to help others and bring them into our lives personally to pray with, cry with, rejoice with and when we can share and teach how God is burdening and convicting our hearts. So any ways that we would be blessed as a family or personally would be put back into ministry. For example...I have and others have been burdened that I need to and will write a book. Say the book is a hot seller and I make more money than I have ever seen in my life and suddenly our family is able to buy a big house, get cars that we don't have to worry about breaking down, can buy clothes at Target now (just kidding, say Lands End which we do when we can or for gifts but couldn't no way for everything) and someone tells us of a family or individual who is really struggling and seeking Christ but in need of a car or help with paying for living space that is adequate to the situation or needs clothing. I would not hesitate to do everything I could for such a person. Why? Because I've been there. I remember way back when we first started having financial problems my husband said to me, "If we get through this and God helps us and we have a chance to help others, we're going to do it." It's that simple. There were and have been folks who could have helped us but saw how immature we were and in some ways still are and said, "No way am I going to help them, look at what they want." Well, that's called judging. Example...when I was diagnosed as manic-depressive (and yes, this is a test to see who will say, "Oh, I see - this chick is bipolar. End of story, I'm not taking anything this chick says to be real or trustworthy.") - I lost almost everything...I lost any belief in that I was a worthy person or good person, I lost the respect of family and friends who already thought I was stupid and I knew very well the stigma and gossip that would come along with being hospitalized for manic-depression in a psych. ward and being diagnosed as bipolar. I struggled at the time, even though we couldn't afford it with wanting good clothes. I thought, "Well, if I can't be all together mentally; at least I should have people see me dressed well and hopefully that will compensate and they won't think about me being mentally ill or at least get side tracked." So, I ordered and asked for clothing that I felt would at least give people an impression that somehow I was okay or at least still looked good. So, before you judge the situation of another person (which I have learned so well and experienced so many times) - think about every possible scenario in which that person might be experiencing. The pain of being hospitalized for mental illness and being diagnosed was so huge that I don't think I can get people who haven't been in that situation to understand. And every time I would try something new or reach out to family and friends after another tried attempt to be successful or try and do a new ministry idea and have it flop, I would lose more respect and further be disqualified as someone who was worth time, money or attention. And of course, this has only made me try harder to succeed. Why? Because the Bible says there is a God who loves me and a Savior who died for "losers" like me. Jesus didn't come to save the righteous or those who are well, but for sinners and the socially unacceptable like me (see Mark 2:17 and Luke 5:32). Since I was very young the only thing that has gotten me through this life is the knowledge of God's love and that Jesus died for me. This has been my strength and my hope and somewhere, sometime I must have done something right because I know that how I have been called and who I claim to be is not only real but because I am not someone that would be a popular or obvious choice. I am being qualified because I have been called and not the other way around (see 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 and also 2 Corinthians 12:6-10). What is at the core of the life of a believer/disciple of Christ? Faith. I believe because I have nothing else to believe in. Not myself, not my husband, not my daughter, not family, not friends because I will have to stand before God and give account for my life and he is and has been so real to me in so many ways. I can honestly say, God has never let me down. I have been discouraged, I have had moments of doubt but he has never given up on me. I can count on God in ways that I cannot ever count on anyone else. He is everything to me..and Jesus - my Lord, Savior and King...I have given my life and have risked everything in believing in and claiming what I have. I am hated, I am ridiculed, I am mocked, I am scorned, shunned, alienated...anything bad you can think of: I have known it for giving it all to Christ and stepping out in faith. I have very few friends, many acquaintances but very few real friends. My family has had to take on jobs and give up leadership and sacrifice time with me so that I can study, write and share. And much of this has gone unappreciated...except by the one who gives me peace and tells me not to give up. How does he do this? Just when I need it a thought or Scripture will come to mind that I can tell only comes from him because it fits the need or fills the void that I have just prayed about or spoken aloud about in frustration or confusion. It is right there at the moment I ask or speak. I see grace written all over everything that is happening to me - good or bad. I see grace written all over everything I am being asked to do and say. And hopefully as time goes by folks will see that I am real, humble and not otherwise and just seeking to be obedient to the leading of God's Holy Spirit and to my Lord and our Heavenly Father himself. I have already known miraculous healing in my life, my family is beginnig to see and understand all that God is doing in and through my life as well as accepting what I have been given to teach and I hope all others who are paying attention to what I am saying and doing will be patient with me and get to know me as I am and not only accept me but accpet what God is trying to do in and through me and offer through me. And why not? Why not me? Please continue to visit my blog or my Facebook page as I begin to answer the questions above...this may take more time than I hope but it will be worth it even if it is different from what you have been taught or believed before. But if you profess faith in Christ and are a believer/disciple of his, please do not neglect to pray for me and ask God to bless me as I study and write. I am your sister in Christ. And for the mistakes I made in the past before being saved..well, this last week sealed the deal in my eyes - sin was put before me and I responded as I needed to but not without the help of others to whom I am so grateful (you know who you are) and now that I know I have not failed God and truly am his child - I am working overtime to make sure I don't commit sins again - I have engaged in spiritual warfare and prayer, I am listening to the burdening and convicting of the Holy Spirit and also to the prayers that are being said on my behalf by so many others (if only I could get into this fully)...I am going to fight and not give up and God is going to bless what I am being obedient to. I am not a false prophet, I am not of Satan and I have in no way usurped or violated Scripture. If you think otherwise, prepare to be proven wrong. But all in God's timing and as fast as I can work outside of being a wife, mother and friend. You think you have pressure? Just wait until I answer question one and get into question two...and even then, I'm pretty sure most of you won't understand but that's okay. I won't give up trying to help or pray on behalf of those who will listen, pray for me and consider what God has given me to say. I am confident of his work in my life and what he has been doing and desires yet to do through me. Game on - I have been through hell on earth this last month and between demands here at home and demons trying to break through and torment me - game on. I have learned to fight all these years and endurance is my new best friend. I have been given ideas of what Satan might ask God to do to me should I continue - yes, when you take steps of faith this is the ministry the Holy Spirit works on your behalf to help you and not let you get sidetracked. Not only that but I also know the ministry of angels is very real and I am being helped in this way too. Don't believe me? Are we in the end times or not? Is prophecy not being fulfilled right before our very eyes? Doesn't Scripture say we are part of a spiritual battle (see Ephesians 6). I can back everything I have to share/teach with Scripture. But enough heart and soul's desire is to help - I needed God's grace, compassion and mercy and anything I am able to prove or teach that discounts or discredits what others have taught and will have to rethink - you will find no personal ridicule, mockery or insult from me because of the grace, compassion and mercy I have received from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father who has so wondrously worked in my life through his Holy Spirit. God is faithful and true to his Word. Amen, all glory, honor and praise to Jesus and our Heavenly Father. Holy Spirt, thank you too for your continued interceding on my behalf. I am so thankful too that my prayers for angels to guard me and my family and to minister to us have not gone unanswered. While this may be about me in some respects, ultimately this is about being obedient to God's will for my life and not failing to stop believing in who I am and what I have been called to do. I will not give up because I know all too well what I and others stand to lose if I do. But I won't, so I hope you all will be patient with me, pray for me and at least consider what God has given me to share. I will probably begin with a short version and expand from there if necessary to at least get something out to all of you so that the wait is not too long if possible. Again, please pray for me - it would mean so much to me. There are yet things that I need help with yet or have not been given a full understanding of and where this applies I will make note and offer what I am led to believe but will ask for someone who does understand or has been given a full understand in ways that I have not, I will ask for such individuals to step forward and help give understanding to what I have not been given an understanding of. So hopefully as I work and share/ all will be willing to take part as well and fill in what I am not supposed to know or what you can share to put the rest of the picture together so that we can move on from all of this, allow God to work through us to bring revival to a world that so needs it, longs for it and so when the time comes for those to go home who will before the rest of us...well, let's make it so that number of those who will have to stay either because of their own pride and ignorance but also many because we aren't taking the time to listen and be patient with one another and worrying if M. Kristi Van Dam is real or not...time is a wastin' many are not going to believe and I know so many of you have valid reasons for wanting to go home now...but let's not be selfish and make sure you take many more home with you so they don't have to be faced with hiding or facing a guillotine just to either make it through having to die or face the tribulation. Okay? You will be going home so soon, believers and disciples of Christ - this I know so well. But please hang on just a little while longer and let's allow Christ to work through us to bring salvation to so many more so they can go home too.

Much love to you all in Christ, God bless you!

M. Kristi Van Dam

Monday, December 26, 2011

A good "ouch"... :)

Ecclesiastes 5:2
King James Version (KJV)

Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.

I make it a point to ask God/the Lord to keep me humble and yes, graciously he follows through and graciously I must receive, lol...but this one hurts pretty good, lol.

Ya...good one, Lord! Isn't awesome that just what we need, at the moment we need it; the only one we can truly count on always comes through! And like this time, it's not always what we want but if we're patient (and honest with ourselves) we're able to appreciate it, even when it stings. So yes, thank you Lord!

Whew! :)

Much love to you all in Christ, God bless you!!!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Preview of questions yet to answer:

1. What do you think of Muslims as a whole? Preview: Cannot answer this as a whole but will be very real about what I do respect about Muslims but also what I think very clearly about Islam and why I stand against Isalm and any other religion that stands in oppposition to a *relationship* with Christ.

2. What do you think of Catholics? Preview: I think it is unfortunate that the virgin Mary has been elevated to a position of deity – this is not Biblical and has allowed so many to be deceived and put credit where credit is not due…also I think Catholicism embraces theology that many other churches and denominations have embraced and teach in error so I don’t like to pin the blame of theology in error on Catholicism alone…there have been many heresies from Catholicism over the years, many of which have been addressed but many that remain unfortunately some of which I will discuss but I have to admit other than the above I am not as familiar with them than what I need to but will be familiarizing myself with them over time so that I can refute them as I know they do exist and need to be and will…*DaVinci’s paintings are unfortunate in that the truth as I am coming to know it was stretched and probably purposefully to promote Catholicism unfortunately even though I obviously agree with some things that are being taught who many think are in error, I stand very strongly against other things that DaVinci and Dan Brown in particular have taught in error – almost of a homosexual nature in feminizing men…and feminization in particular…I am not a feminist, quite different – I submit myself to a local church, pastorate and elders and when and how I can, I promote my husband as the head of our home although my husband has willingly and personally asked me to lead in the ways he himself would say he has not been called and has willingly and personally given up to me in response to how I have been called this speaks very clearly to me of how and why I have been called as well. Also, in this day and age of such a heightened presence of feminism, especially here in the US and Europe I believe I am being used to take what women have been asking for and challenging them that now that a woman has been called and is being used – will they then submit themselves to Scripture and humble themselves to Christ as well as men who are in leadership in Biblical churches and to their husbands where they have not been clearly called as Jewish prophetesses or will they continue in their error – the feminist movement is very different from being used by the Lord in ministry, at least for me. The truth is that men should be built up to be as Christ has called them because in my life I know that I am very blessed by men who stand strong not only in their position as men but as leaders and those who I respect and have learned so much from. I attend a Baptist church but at heart I am non-denominational….unfortunately when it comes to most Bible or non-denominational churches, there is either Lordship of male leadership over how I have been called and I cannot expect to be received there or their teachings on a pre-tribulation are not Biblical (not very different from what I believe but different enough that I know I would cause strife in such churches and probably will anyway but that is another question to be answered later.

3. What can we expect from you here on out? Preview: much more of the same, lol.

4. Are you just seeking attention/money? This is going to be a fun one to answer.

5. Haven’t you given yourself a nice, cushy, comfortable place in saying you are the woman from Revelation 12? And isn’t that pretty pompous and arrogant? –
amendment to add: aren’t you adding to Scripture by saying you have had visions/dreams – also, You're a woman, right? Explain yourself and how you do or plan to adhere to the teachings of Scripture in regard to a woman's place in the church/ministry. Looking forward to answering this as well, lol.

6. So you believe generational curses still happen or are valid? Preview: Do people still sin? ;)

7. Do you believe in a pre-tribulation rapture? this will explain the secondary meaning to Revelation 12 as well as well as talking about Joel 2 and Acts 2:14-21 and how this relates to this time we find ourselves in before believers/disciples of Christ are taken pre–tribulation (correction 5:53 pm, KVD): Preview: not gonna give you any further hints, lol – I don’t mean to diminish the seriousness of all the questions with “lol” but some of them are funny to me because they are so far from who I am and the purpose and mission I have been given and called for or I know they are so touchy but what I believe in regard to a pre-tribulation rapture is not far from what is already believed but yes, it is different and hopefully, using Scripture (as I will and will back up what I have to say and what I have been given to teach) and visions/dreams I have been given as a Jewish disciple of Christ/prophetess and no, this does not contradict Scripture or violate Revelation 22:19 and I will prove it. :)

8. What are your thoughts on the Sabbath, the Lord's Day and feasts/festivals? Preview: I am most looking forward to this question, hopefully I will please both Gentile and Jewish believers alike and I think I will because of how my heart has been burdened in Christ through the indwelling presence and power of God’s Holy Spirit.

I hope this helps - nothing more until I am able to answer fully. ;)

Revised order, additions, etc. to questions that are left:

revised order , additions, etc.:
1. What do you think of Muslims as a whole?
2. What do you think of Catholics?
3. What can we expect from you here on out?
4. Are you just seeking attention/money?
5. Haven’t you given yourself a nice, cushy, comfortable place in saying you are the woman from Revelation 12? And isn’t that pretty pompous and arrogant? – amendment to add: aren’t you adding to Scripture by saying you have had visions/dreams – also, You're a woman, right? Explain yourself and how you do or plan to adhere to the teachings of Scripture in regard to a woman's place in the church/ministry.
6. So you believe generational curses still happen or are valid?
7. Do you believe in a pre-tribulation rapture?

:) ~ "Miriam" Kristi Van Dam :)

Amendment to Question 2:

Many have wondered over the years, did Jesus marry and if he was married to Mary Magdalene and they had a child or children...what would that mean?


See this link (and then I will explain more):

I will be honest in saying that I have been burdened and convicted to believe that my daughter and I are the last living of such a remnant, if true. Now, what you need to understand is that if this is true - it means nothing other than we are who we are. And apart from Christ, that would be nothing. Why? Men do not pass on DNA to women. Now, mothers pass on DNA to both sons and daughters but only daughters pass on that DNA to daughters (and sons) but sons do not pass on their mother's DNA to their children. Here is a link for you to get more information:

All this would mean for my daughter and I is that we would have the same DNA Mary Magdalene would have had. And that means absolutely nothing. Not she, not the virgin Mary, not anyone else are deity but Christ alone and God, our Heavenly Father who imparts the gift of his blessed Holy Spirit once one has humbled themselves to Christ in sorrow and repentance and who are baptized in obedience to the leading of the Holy Spirit and in obedience to the will of our Heavenly Father that we back up what we profess in faith with works. (again, see Acts 2:38 and James 2) And if you find some small technicality to what I have just said above in regard to Christ and God our Heavenly Father being the only deity as well as in regard to God's blessed Holy Spirit - really? I am not perfect, I am still learning - take your technicalities elsewhere. ;) Titus 3:9

I have no power in and of myself. I cannot save anyone outside of what Christ may choose to do through me (see Galatians 2:20 and 2 Corinthians 5:20). I am not a "messiah" or "savior". I will repeat this and repeat this until the day I either die or "meet the Lord in the air" - this is not going to change because I know the truth myself and would never do anything such to jeopardize what I have with the Lord and what he is trying to do through me for those whom he would have me work with or minister to.

Much love to you all in Christ, God bless you!

~ "Miriam" Kristi Van Dam

Question 2: In what ways do you personally need to respond to James 5:16?

Personally I have struggled most difficultly with adultery (thoughts/fantasy of lust), sexual addiction (making men and sex my idols and "gods"), and half-truths (telling the truth in part but adding to the truth with lies to either make things seem better or worse than they are or have been). And yes, I am personally making work of apologizing and addressing those I have hurt through this but only those who were directly involved, the rest of you who feel you are owed an apology will have to be satisfied with this because you were not directly involved with such offenses in regard to adultery and sexual addiction. As far as offenses of half-truths, if I were to apologize for every such offense; for which I am grateful the Holy Spirit has interceded on my behalf because it would be impossible for me to bring to mind every such offense and if that were the case, I would have time for nothing else. ;) (see Romans 8:26-27)

Please pray for me in regard to this sin. Adultery and sexual addiction aren't going to be an issue anymore but half-truths are a constant battle.

Much love to you all in Christ, God bless you and thanks for your prayers and for not judging me??? I sure hope not! ;)

~ Miriam Kristi Van Dam

*See, when I say God uses what was meant for evil and uses it for good: Ryan and I are considering a business/ministry opportunity that we can do together to address the problems we have faced in our marriage, are still working on and help others with their marriages - together. :) The question now in regard to this, will others let the past be the past and support us? If not, I believe if this is the right thing for us to do and so far we do, God will bring others to help us.

James 5:16
King James Version (KJV)
16Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

The question now is, will *you* do the same or sit back in pride and wallow in self pity? ;)

Question 1: What do you believe?

I believe I am a sinner saved by grace through faith but ultimately because God loved me while I was yet a sinner.

(see Ephesians 2:8-9 and Romans 5:8)

Anything I do (or choose not to do) now is because of the indwelling presence and power of God's Holy Spirit living within and of myself I cannot save anyone unless Christ living within me through God's Holy Spirit should use me as such.

(see Acts 2:28, Galatians 2:20 and 2 Corinthians 5:20)

To God be the glory! Amen!

~ "Miriam" Kristi Van Dam

Thank you, Lord; for this sweetest of gifts...

Having been disciplined very strongly this last week - but for which I am very grateful to God (yes, I will hopefully get into this later - and I am also thankful to those who God used to help with this, you know who you are, I don't hate you but I don't exactly want anything to do with you right now but man, we are gonna have some fun in eternity - that is going to be awesome, I love you all)...I find myself in a new position as a believer/disciple of Christ and for some time I struggled with the following Scripture but it makes sense to me now for which I am truly grateful:

Romans 14
King James Version (KJV)
Romans 14
1Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.
2For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs.
3Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him.
4Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.
5One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.
6He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks.
7For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.
8For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's.
9For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living.
10But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.
11For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.
12So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
13Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.
14I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.
15But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.
16Let not then your good be evil spoken of:
17For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
18For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.
19Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.
20For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence.
21It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
22Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.
23And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

These verses are so about so much more than food...when I find myself the guest in a home now and I am presented with food I normally wouldn't eat or asked to play games I usually wouldn't play - I do not preach or get into why such a thing might be wrong or the like, but rather I graciously accept the desires of my hosts hoping that if they know the truth they will seek it themselves and for the right reasons from that time on and if they do not know why such things would be bad, pray that they do. I do not think any less of those who have put me in such positions but the following Scriptures come to mind, well - to begin with, look up Matthew 18:6, Mark 9:42 and Luke 17:2. What a privilege for me to be a "child of God" whom he has drawn near and redeemed. As the verses say above, we should never put a brother or sister in a position to sin either so we can say, "Well, at lest I didn't do that!" or "(gasp) - Did you see what she did?!" or "We got her now, she just sinned and did what is unacceptable in the Lord's eyes and even engaged in activity of the occult." The problem isn't with me at that point - but with the hearts and minds of those who would do such things purposely.

I know it's not very popular that I have claimed to be who I am. One of the things that the Spirit has burdened and convicted my heart of is that folks are thinking, "Why do you think you are who you are when you have a daughter who very well could be that person too - did you ever think of that?" I also know people tend to think I'm not very smart because of all the mistakes I have made and how open I have been about my sin. I'm just following through with James 5:16 and rather than be full of scorn over past mistakes or for anyone to say, "There she goes again, talking about the sin of others through her FB page!" - see the love in what I am trying to convey. I'm not perfect but at the same time, I haven't ever really been given the change to offer the wisdom and intelligence God has given me. But I sense that about to change. I will either go back to school or God will prosper what he has called me and put me on this earth to do and possibly both. But to answer the above question: "Why isn't your daughter the called one?" - because time is much shorter than people want to think about - they want to think a) I don't have to change my ways in regard to views I hold on baptism and repentance - that requires humility and the admitting that they were wrong which is too hard for most people and b) they want to think they have more time here - you've had enough time so swallow your pride and do what you know you need to do regardless of how much others aren't going to like you, what God has to say about you and how he will treat you even in regard to possible necessary discipline - let people judge, let them condemn - your concern is with what God will have to say and do when you stand before him. Again, think of what 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 says:
10According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise masterbuilder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon.
11For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.
12Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble;
13Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is.
14If any man's work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.
15If any man's work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.

Think of this - I may anger those who I am calling out (no one knows your names) - but in the end I have to answer to God myself and I am not about to go on doing works of wood, hay or stubble because I do have to answer to him myself just as you do. I love you all and I hold nothing against you - what was done likely was done in innocence in many ways but for the chance it wasn't - I would rather admonish you and exhort you in the chance it may help you see that if I anger you, I anger you - but so that you can see a consitency in me that seeks Christ no matter what. Hate does nothing - love seeks the good of all regardless of what it may cost. If God didn't love me, he wouldn't have disciplined me this last week - but he does and I paid a very heavy price that you cannot imagine...I have been through hell on earth this last month so that I could see, taste and understand just a portion of what our Lord endured and this too, says I am who I am. I wish I could describe these things in more detail but for right now, you and everyone else are just going to trust me. I felt separation and fear in response to ongoing sin...if you were to ask Ryan - manic-depression aside - just what I have been through - he would offer just as I have said above because I have been able to share with him many things because he knows me better than anyone else and trusts me in ways that others can't because of this. He has believed in me when others wouldn't or couldn't and I am so grateful for this. But I warn you, do not seek him out for answers. You are just goingt to have to trust us.

Other Scripture to consider:

Romans 12:18
King James Version (KJV)
18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Titus 3:9
King James Version (KJV)
9But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.

Hebrews 12:14-29
King James Version (KJV)
14Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
16Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.
17For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
18For ye are not come unto the mount that might be touched, and that burned with fire, nor unto blackness, and darkness, and tempest,
19And the sound of a trumpet, and the voice of words; which voice they that heard intreated that the word should not be spoken to them any more:
20(For they could not endure that which was commanded, And if so much as a beast touch the mountain, it shall be stoned, or thrust through with a dart:
21And so terrible was the sight, that Moses said, I exceedingly fear and quake:)
22But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels,
23To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect,
24And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.
25See that ye refuse not him that speaketh. For if they escaped not who refused him that spake on earth, much more shall not we escape, if we turn away from him that speaketh from heaven:
26Whose voice then shook the earth: but now he hath promised, saying, Yet once more I shake not the earth only, but also heaven.
27And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.
28Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:
29For our God is a consuming fire.

1 Peter 1:16
King James Version (KJV)
16Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

But most importantly:

1 Corinthians 1:25-31
King James Version (KJV)
25Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
26For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
27But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
28And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:
29That no flesh should glory in his presence.
30But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:
31That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

Why would God bother to deal with a woman who suffers from manic-depression, ADHD and mild symptoms of autism? Do you not see that while God does not tempt us (see James 1:13) God does in fact test us and he has to. We want to think that what we have always believed or that the church or denomination that we've always belonged to is okay and that somehow God will dismiss errors that just don't seem so bad to us but that is a lie from the pit of hell. Do you think God would lie to you? Do you think the battle that Ephesians 6 speaks of isn't real and is some sort of allegory? You are bewitched! You have been fooled by the "angel of light" - Satan himself and the more you go on, the more tighter his grip and the less of a chance you will repent and be baptized and receive the gift of the indwelling presence and power of the Holy Spirit because I know these things personally. I don't say these things to puff myself up - I've already told you I, myself have endured his discipline, wrath, judgment and fury and I am trying to get you to not have to go through these things yourselves! How can you not see the love in this? Or perhaps you'd like me to pray for God to unleash his discipline, wrath, judgment and fury upon you as I have known because you refuse to think that little 'ole Kristi might just be right? Who cares about me being right - I care about your soul! As I have been called, I must be obedient to God! Not to make others feel bad, not to puff myself up but because I know what you face personally if you don't! You do not want to put God in such a position...because I know so well that if you don't do these things and allow men to judge you so that before God you may be clean - it will be the anti-Christ and his guillotines that you will face and either have to die and live or live and die forever. And if it is not a guillotine it will be through war or suicide that you will die and who knows if you will go to hell or get by but only though as through fire (1 Corinthians 3:15). And if you are tempted to say or think, "Well, that's not such a big deal to me - so as through fire." you just don't get it. You will have to face momentary hell in order to get home and I'm telling you, having just experienced this myself - hell on earth so that I could be cleansed and purified and given a white garment (see Revelation 3:13-22) - please don't risk this. I say again, this past week God would have been justified to send my soul to hell had I died but rather he went to extremes to say, "Kristi, I love you enough to cause you great distress and to challenge you beyond that which you have ever faced because I don't want you to do what may force my Son to do should you continue in your sin." Could I have been saved though as through fire, most likely. But that still would have put Jesus in a position to stick me with Satan - even as momentarliy as it would have been...I shudder to think about such a thing and the fear God should strike you as it has me. Our sin - no matter how little, small or insignificant to us (because we don't like to think of ourselves in such a realistic manner - is huge to God no matter how little you may seem to sin compared to someone else. What I have found is that even if you are only guilty of pride and judging others - those two things cover a multitude of other sins that you cannot see because you are so busy comparing yourself to others. You may say, "No I'm not!" That makes you a liar. And trust me, the angels in Heaven are saying, "Yes you are!" You are being mocked in the Heavenly realm each time you diminish your own sinfulness. I was tortured with this reality this last month. Things have certainly calmed down now but when things were at their worst - I realized there are angels all around us - both spiritually and in the flesh and they are givng God a detailed account of our every wrong and every right - this is so that everything can be reported as was is in this life when it either comes to rewards or judgement (two different things - see Revelation 20:4-5 and then Revelation 20:11-15) - God knows what you have or have not done and God knows that whether you read all of this or take into account how I have been called - you will be responsible for yourself and your actions or lack thereof! God hasn't and won't miss a thing. And hey, he's God - he can and will do that because he is righteous and holy and has given you and everyone else every opportunity to get it right. And you can - when you surrender your life to Christ in humility and repent. No, I'm not claiming perfection here but everyday that I do sin, I confess it...I have some serious apologizing coming up that I'm not looking forward to but now that God has given me a proper fear and reverence of him - I would rather grovel and do what I do not like to do rather than risk God being righteously angry at me and with full justification. Not only that but here is what Scripture has to say:

Philippians 4:13
King James Version (KJV)
13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Romans 8:36-37
King James Version (KJV)
36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

God longs for us to have peace, joy, assurance, contement, etc. - but this cannot be done without the working and ministry of the Holy Spirit and an understanding that the Heavenly realm is alive and well in this our physical and earthly dwelling and life. If you profess faith in Christ, that is one thing. Now back such "faith" up with works but not the other way around:

James 2:17-19
King James Version (KJV)
17Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.
18Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.
19Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

You will not make it to eternal life without making your faith or profession or confession or faith personal. Do not rely on what your parents, grandparents, relatives or ancestors have believed or done for so many years. How do you know that they would not say the same thing - those who have departed - as what I am saying? That's just the thing - you don't. But I do because when I was at my worst of this last manic episode (you need to understand that what Satan means for evil through sickness and the like, God can and does use this for good) - I was tortured by the cries and torment of some of those in my life who have died and even by some who have not but these shall remain nameless - yes, that is how horrible and freaky things were for me this last month - God allowed things to get so bad and so supernatural...I won't go on any further than that. Yes, tThat is what going through hell on earth will do for ya or should you be saved only as through fire. You don't want to go there, please trust me. Or someday these things may be made into a movie and you'll have to watch it before getting into Heaven or eternity to your shame because you may be tempted to think these things are too far fetched. No, there is a good side to having mental illness that some of you have yet to appreciate. But now I am being healed and I thank God for his mercy and grace. I am no longer held by the chains of bondage in regard to mental illness - I am free and should anyone try and use this for anything other than it was meant for - for hopes of psychic powers and revelations so that evil may be promoted it won't work. I have angels here and all of Heaven up there on my side now because I have been cleansed from the worst sin in my life now and I am set free. This is what spiritual warfare prayer does to our benefit and don't forget the working and ministry of the Holy Spirit in my life. Now that my eyes have been made clean spiritually, I have in the Holy Spirit a working that will help me with discernment and keep fear at bay. Of course, then there are all those angels here too - both in the flesh and those we cannot see. And no, I'm not sick. These are the end times and God's game is on and either you are being used according to and for his good use or you are stuck in the grips of Satan and being used by him and there is no way out of this unless you humble yourself and repent if you have not already and then seek baptism as your personal way of saying to God, "I do believe and I am here to be cleansed to show the world that I mean what I say." You see when I say we are in the end times, think of this from Revelation 12:

Revelation 12:3-4
King James Version (KJV)
3And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.
4And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.

This has happened and those "stars" spoken of in verse four are angels of God - not fallen but this has happened so that we can be ministered to and challenged. Some of them have been able to take on physical form but others remain unseen in a spiritual sense. Some of them have been able to posess the bodies of those who had already humbled themselves and repented and been baptized on their own accord and who have received the indwelling presence and power of the Holy Spirit - but even more than that, this existence is interchangeable. They can live in a physical state when necessary and go back to being unseen in a spiritual sense in whatever manner of time frame necessary. Freaky? Not if you've been cleansed but otherwise yes, you have every reason to fear because these same angels, because they can interchange between physical and spiritual states - are the very ones that will either deliever souls to God or toss them to the depths of hell. They are here, they have a purpose and hopefully they will be able to bless and not torment you. Of course, none of this will be real to anyone who has not repented and in humility fallen to their knees and cried out to Jesus. This is how I have been blessed by the joy in being wrong - having sin to be real about and also by how Satan thought he won by asking God, "I bet if we stricken Kristi with mental illness and get everyone to believe she's stupid that she will not praise you and will not continue to seek you." But when Satan turned from the throne of God and left laughing and Satan was out of hearing distance, God said, "You've made a bet you're going to lose Satan." Why?

Romans 5:8
King James Version (KJV)
8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Many thanks to our brother, Job - for his prayers on the behalf of us who know what it means to suffer. You have to remember:

Hebrews 12
King James Version (KJV)
Hebrews 12
1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

And maybe you're hoping by just some chance that I am wrong but the thing is I've backed everything up I have said here with Scripture and will continue to do so that if you don't believe me, hopefully you will take God's Word on it. Don't risk being saved "as though by fire". Don't just go through the motions. Let men do what they may - let men say what they will. It is God's judgment or rewards in the end that we need to be concerned with because we will each have to stand before him and there will be no lawyers, no help, no passing blame - it will either be tears of joy at finally standing before our "Abba" or utter humiliation and shame. I think I know which one most would (hopefully) choose.

Much love to you all in Christ - God bless you!!!

~ "Miriam" Kristi Van Dam

Matthew 11:28
King James Version (KJV)
28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Proverbs 16:18
King James Version (KJV)
18Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Romans 13:10-14
King James Version (KJV)
10Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
11And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed.
12The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.
13Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
14But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

Romans 11:25-28
King James Version (KJV)
25For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in.
26And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob:
27For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins.
28As concerning the gospel, they are enemies for your sakes: but as touching the election, they are beloved for the father's sakes.